What To Do When You Think You Can’t Take It Anymore

I ‘m in the thick of a personal challenge that’s likely to continue for some time. This offers a chance to reflect on what I know about resilience, having had many life experiences that tested my capacity to bounce back.


Here’s my current challenge. My husband and I recently went away for the weekend. While we were away, the toilet in our master bathroom failed. Water overflowed into the bathroom and caused the wide pine flooring to buckle throughout the bathroom and adjoining room. It also seeped into the walls of the floor below, destroying a section of ceiling, bead board and warped a door frame.  

 Not Getting the Results You Want? Maybe Your Fixes are Faltering

“Okay, that’s what we’re going to do then. Thank you everyone for your input. I’ve gotta run to another meeting. Keep me posted on how things go.”

Tony shut down his video call and logged on to his next meeting. He was proud that he and his team had been able to come up with a quick solution to avert the impending crisis. But two weeks later, they were meeting again. They needed to find a solution to the unintended consequence of their quick fix.

Can you relate to this? We live in a fast-paced world where the pressure for quick solutions is intense. At the same time, we often run into unintended consequences that take us by surprise. Three common leadership activities have great potential to falter: delegation, managing conflict, and dealing with crisis situations.

Stop Telling Your Friends How Busy You Are!

Imagine this…

You’re at the train station, heading on a last minute business trip. You’re distracted, mulling over the meeting agenda. Another part of your brain is angsting over what you’ve forgotten in your haste.

Waiting in line, you notice an acquaintance standing nearby.  It’s someone you’ve had a couple of intriguing conversations with, and you’re curious about getting to know him better.

Are You a Victim of the “Yes…Damn” Effect?

Have you ever agreed to do something in the future just because it seems a long time from now? You might think, “Well, I’m too busy at the moment but I’ll have more time six months from now.” If so, you might be interested to know that it’s a common cognitive bias that even has a name. The “Yes…Damn” Effect. In other words, you say yes in the moment but when the day arrives you say, “Damn! Why did I agree to that?”

7 Steps to Achieving a Goal (Almost) Effortlessly

We’re in the waning days of 2022, looking forward to a fresh start in 2023. Time to reflect on what we accomplished this year and set new goals for next year. Right?

I don’t know about you but that’s enough to make me hit the snooze button and roll over for another hour of sleep.

What if I told you I discovered a different way to achieve goals? An almost effortless way. “Almost” because nothing important is completely effortless. But this way builds on what you’re already doing–or might be doing–on a regular basis.

Want to Stop Working Overtime?

Everybody in a leadership role knows the importance of delegation. If you’re doing everyone else’s work, you’re not doing your own. Plus, well thought out delegation is a surefire way to develop your people. You need to give them a chance to try new things and grow professionally.

From a purely self-interested perspective, effective delegation gives you a chance to recover, work reasonable hours and get to your kids’ sports games.

If the benefits of delegation are so well understood, why is this the topic of so much of my coaching? Why do leaders report that delegation is such a challenge for them?

Reduce the Pain of Organizational Change

Quick question: As a leader, how many change efforts are you currently part of? Chances are, it’s at least one. Maybe your organization is switching to a new technology. Or scaling up, down or restructuring. Adjusting to a hybrid workplace. Rolling out a new DEIA initiative. Even the loss or addition of a team member can be a considerable change since it requires realigning roles and relationships.

What are the chances that any one of these efforts will be completely successful? Pretty slim, actually. While there are many contributing factors, one of the most fundamental is human resistance to change.

Need to Have a Difficult Conversation? Here's the Secret to Success

Most of us need to have difficult conversations from time to time:

  • Bill’s not meeting his sales targets.

  • Susan’s manner of speaking comes across as insensitive and abrasive.

  • Jason takes long lunch breaks and then plays solitaire on his computer all afternoon.

Whatever the specifics, something isn’t right and it won’t magically get better by itself. You need to address the situation.

Who enjoys having these conversations?

Read This If You’ve Just Gotten Promoted (Or Know Someone Who Has)

Have you ever been promoted because you were good at what you did…only to discover that your new job required a whole different set of competencies?

If so, read on.

That’s not uncommon. In fact, Marshall Goldsmith, executive coach and thought leader, wrote a book entitled What Got You Here Won’t Get You There.

Many of my coaching clients experience this at some point in their development as a leader. And it can be really scary. Kind of like the solid foundation that worked for you has been replaced by an inflatable balance disk.

How to Get People to Do What You Want (At Least Some of the Time)

Wouldn't it be great if people would just do what we ask them to do? Whether it's our boss, our co-workers, subordinates or family members, it’s often challenging to achieve our desired results when we have to work through other people. Even when we directly supervise others, success isn’t achieved just by telling people what to do.

However, there is one powerful leadership skill that can help you get support from others to bring your great ideas into existence.

3 Habits to Boost Your Comfort with Discomfort

In my last post, I introduced the growth mindset as a powerful way to learn new skills even when you’re out of your comfort zone. I also stated that you can adopt a growth mindset at any moment with dramatic results. I suggested you think of a situation where you were feeling uncomfortable because you hadn’t yet mastered a new skill and ask yourself two questions:

  1. What’s my current mindset? How is it helping or hurting me?

  2. What would a growth mindset tell me to do?

Of course, the implication was to do what a growth mindset would tell you to do!

It all sounds so straightforward and simple. Yet last week I found myself unable to maintain a growth mindset after receiving some lukewarm feedback.

How to Make Friends with Discomfort

“Really? You want me to solve this problem on my own? I came to you because I don’t know what to do. You’ve always given me great advice in the past,” Justin exclaims, then leaves the office.

“Well, that didn’t go well,” Philip thinks. “What am I doing wrong? I’m trying to practice what this leadership program is teaching but I don’t seem to have the knack. I’m supposed to ask questions that help people think for themselves. My mind goes blank and I feel completely awkward. Now I have to tell my learning partner that I failed miserably. And Justin doesn’t feel supported. Oh, boy, I’ll never get this!”

Sound familiar? Chances are you’ve felt awkward or uncomfortable when learning a new skill.

3 (Almost) Magic Tricks to Zap Stress, Resolve Conflicts and Ease Through Life

Remember this scary experience from childhood?

You’re drowsing in bed at night. You hear a sound. It’s not loud but it’s unfamiliar. Your heart starts to beat faster. You think you should go investigate but you’re scared. What if it’s something really bad?

Suddenly, the sound is gone, and the air feels familiar again.
It’s like a magician appeared and waved a wand. You feel calm and safe. Your heart rate returns to normal.

“How did that happen?” you wonder. The magician eyes you slyly and says, “Sleight of hand, my dear. Anyone can do it. Do you want me to teach you?”

Achieve your Goals with Ease

We’re a month into 2022, and I’m struggling to remember the goals I set for this year, never mind actually implementing them. I know one was to meditate using Calm for at least 5 days a week. Even though I feel relaxed and grounded after meditating for just 10 minutes, I still do it inconsistently.

Does this sound familiar? Maybe you took a workshop or read a book that inspired you. You fully intended to put into practice those great suggestions. You were determined to be a better listener, let people finish their sentences, or become fluent in German.

Is Your Team on the Verge of Burnout? Here’s What to Do About It

Arianna Huffington has weighed in on The Great Resignation. She writes, “The Great Resignation is really a Great Re-evaluation. What people are resigning from is a culture of burnout and a broken definition of success.”

That sounds about right at the big picture level: fundamental changes are needed in the way people work and live. But what if you’re a leader who is feeling burned out but you don’t want to resign or have your people resign? What do you do then?

Who Wants to Leap Out of Bed Without an Alarm?

Do you have a fascination with morning routines? I’m always curious about how people use the first hour(s) of their day. Until COVID, I didn’t have a real routine…

What gets you out of bed in the morning? Here are some possibilities:

  • You’ve hit the “snooze” button on your alarm clock three times and now you’ll have to sprint to catch your train.

  • Your first Zoom call is in 20 minutes and if you’re lucky, you’ll just have time to wash your face and arrange your hair. Thank goodness you’re wearing pjs with a collar!

  • You feel a sense of duty to your team, who’s been working on a big project that’s due on Friday and needs your approval to submit the project report.

How Is Leadership Like Flower Arranging?

There’s a mistaken belief that once you’ve gotten really good at your job, you’ll automatically be a leader. It doesn’t make much sense. It’s not at all unusual to have a way of measuring progress for the acquisition of any new skill. There are stages of competency development for everything ranging from chess to weight lifting to flower arranging. Seriously, there actually is a title of Master Florist. And yet a commonly held assumption about leadership is that you either have it or you don’t.