Wouldn't it be great if people would just do what we ask them to do? Whether it's our boss, our co-workers, subordinates or family members, it’s often challenging to achieve our desired results when we have to work through other people. Even when we directly supervise others, success isn’t achieved just by telling people what to do.
However, there is one powerful leadership skill that can help you get support from others to bring your great ideas into existence.
In my last post, I introduced the growth mindset as a powerful way to learn new skills even when you’re out of your comfort zone. I also stated that you can adopt a growth mindset at any moment with dramatic results. I suggested you think of a situation where you were feeling uncomfortable because you hadn’t yet mastered a new skill and ask yourself two questions:
What’s my current mindset? How is it helping or hurting me?
What would a growth mindset tell me to do?
Of course, the implication was to do what a growth mindset would tell you to do!
It all sounds so straightforward and simple. Yet last week I found myself unable to maintain a growth mindset after receiving some lukewarm feedback.
“Really? You want me to solve this problem on my own? I came to you because I don’t know what to do. You’ve always given me great advice in the past,” Justin exclaims, then leaves the office.
“Well, that didn’t go well,” Philip thinks. “What am I doing wrong? I’m trying to practice what this leadership program is teaching but I don’t seem to have the knack. I’m supposed to ask questions that help people think for themselves. My mind goes blank and I feel completely awkward. Now I have to tell my learning partner that I failed miserably. And Justin doesn’t feel supported. Oh, boy, I’ll never get this!”
Sound familiar? Chances are you’ve felt awkward or uncomfortable when learning a new skill.
Remember this scary experience from childhood?
You’re drowsing in bed at night. You hear a sound. It’s not loud but it’s unfamiliar. Your heart starts to beat faster. You think you should go investigate but you’re scared. What if it’s something really bad?
Suddenly, the sound is gone, and the air feels familiar again.
It’s like a magician appeared and waved a wand. You feel calm and safe. Your heart rate returns to normal.
“How did that happen?” you wonder. The magician eyes you slyly and says, “Sleight of hand, my dear. Anyone can do it. Do you want me to teach you?”
We’re a month into 2022, and I’m struggling to remember the goals I set for this year, never mind actually implementing them. I know one was to meditate using Calm for at least 5 days a week. Even though I feel relaxed and grounded after meditating for just 10 minutes, I still do it inconsistently.
Does this sound familiar? Maybe you took a workshop or read a book that inspired you. You fully intended to put into practice those great suggestions. You were determined to be a better listener, let people finish their sentences, or become fluent in German.
Arianna Huffington has weighed in on The Great Resignation. She writes, “The Great Resignation is really a Great Re-evaluation. What people are resigning from is a culture of burnout and a broken definition of success.”
That sounds about right at the big picture level: fundamental changes are needed in the way people work and live. But what if you’re a leader who is feeling burned out but you don’t want to resign or have your people resign? What do you do then?
Do you have a fascination with morning routines? I’m always curious about how people use the first hour(s) of their day. Until COVID, I didn’t have a real routine…
What gets you out of bed in the morning? Here are some possibilities:
You’ve hit the “snooze” button on your alarm clock three times and now you’ll have to sprint to catch your train.
Your first Zoom call is in 20 minutes and if you’re lucky, you’ll just have time to wash your face and arrange your hair. Thank goodness you’re wearing pjs with a collar!
You feel a sense of duty to your team, who’s been working on a big project that’s due on Friday and needs your approval to submit the project report.
There’s a mistaken belief that once you’ve gotten really good at your job, you’ll automatically be a leader. It doesn’t make much sense. It’s not at all unusual to have a way of measuring progress for the acquisition of any new skill. There are stages of competency development for everything ranging from chess to weight lifting to flower arranging. Seriously, there actually is a title of Master Florist. And yet a commonly held assumption about leadership is that you either have it or you don’t.
A reader sent me a question about reluctant leaders. That is, people who have expertise and experience to step up as leaders but who hesitate to do so.
He wrote, “I have two friends I believe should practice leadership but lack the courage or the energy for some reason. They are both in their fifties and at this point their profession needs them to share what they’ve learnt.”
He went on to describe leadership qualities he sees in each of them and some of the challenges in their professions that could use their leadership.
He concluded, “Any advice Deborah? Do you have a blurb in you to share about the reluctant leader?”
Leadership often requires conveying decisiveness and determination. Yet it’s natural to lose your moxie upon occasion. And picking yourself up after a setback can be challenging but it’s a key part of being in a leadership role. As a coach, I’ve had occasion to witness the questions leaders often ask themselves in private. This is Part 2 of a two-part post. This one addresses setbacks and losses; Part 1 explored doubts and fears.
Here’s one of the questions: “I am just so exhausted and tired of battling with the world. What can I do to regain my enthusiasm?”
Leadership often requires conveying confidence and purposefulness. Yet it’s not unusual to have self doubt and become discouraged. As a coach, I’ve had occasion to explore the questions leaders ask themselves in private. In this two-part post, we’ll explore common questions raised by people I’ve spoken with. Part One addresses several doubts and fears that keep people up at night.
Recently, a colleague I’ve known for many years asked me a question about the difference between a leader as a person and leadership as an activity. She’d attended a series I facilitated many years ago and still remembered that distinction.
She was trying to tackle a thorny challenge at work and wanted to explore the implications of viewing her actions from each of these two lenses. Based on her interest, I thought it might be useful for my readers. I’ve seen many people who had doubts about their leadership step up confidently after getting clear on this important distinction. What follows is an excerpt from my book, Why Not Lead?
Have you noticed:
The highways are filled with people speeding, weaving and tailgating.
Even the most seemingly civil conversations have the potential to veer off course into a conflict.
More and more people seem to think the world owes them for what they’ve put up with during the pandemic?
Or maybe, you’ve also noticed the same thing about your own behavior!
In March and April of 2020, very early in the pandemic, I had the opportunity to coach several dozen leaders from a large company in the aerospace industry. Most of them were in the first week of figuring out how to completely change the way they’d worked. Many of them had teams that were used to working together in an office. Some of them also had team members who did shift work on assembly lines or who were in sales. Of course, the sales people were used to flying all over the world visiting their clients in person. This was obviously not happening!
Now that your team has finally adjusted to working from home, you face the transition back to the office. But not completely. Your company has decided to permanently implement a hybrid workplace. Folks will be expected to go into the office 2 days a week and work from home 3 days a week. No one will have their own office. People will sign up for a cubicle and show up with their laptop, ready to get to work.
You’re excited about this change but apprehensive about how your team is going to react. Shutting down wasn’t easy but a hybrid environment could be even more confusing. You want to do your best to create positive and productive working conditions.
Want some ideas to consider how you might lead effectively in a hybrid environment?
Quick question: When you were a young leader, what three questions would you have liked to ask someone with more experience?
I was prompted to think about this while listening to a podcast episode by Dave Stachowiak on The Ways to Pay it Forward. He and his guest Glenn Parker shared some great stories of how they’d been mentored early in their careers.
Read on for my “Big Three Questions.”
Do you sometimes find yourself “stuck in a rut,” solving persistent problems that crop up again and again no matter what solutions you try?
Would you like to:
Better understand the underlying causes of complex problems?
Improve teamwork and reduce conflict?
Find lasting solutions to difficult problems?
If so, consider this an invitation to explore the world of systems thinking!
What’s your mindset about conflict? Do you view it as something to avoid at all costs? Or as an obstacle to accomplishing your “real” work? That’s not surprising. As social animals we want to get along and cooperate. We tend to see conflict as something scary and dangerous, where there will be winners and losers and nobody goes away as friends.
What if you could view conflict as a constructive force?
Having trouble keeping people engaged and focused during endless video meetings? If so, you’re in good company. That often comes up in coaching sessions these days.
Read on for some “dos” and “don’ts” of remote leadership presence that I’ve gathered during the last year. Chances are, there’s at least one thing you can start doing and one thing you can stop doing. I’ve certainly learned a lot about the subject.
I am all for investing in in-depth leadership development. This is one of my main passions in life. In fact, I’d almost rather take a course that helps me grow as a leader than take a vacation.
But there are times when formal leadership development might not be a top priority.
That doesn't mean you have to give up developing. Using a "life as coach" approach, you can still grow by using your day to day experiences as a springboard. Sound intriguing? Read more for simple practices to keep growing even in the most challenging times.
