It was February 21, 1990. I was in my last semester of grad school and working full time.
I had just walked into my office after a meeting in Connecticut. Hadn’t even taken off my coat when the phone rang. It was my husband.
“Are you sitting down?” he asked.
“Seriously? Who says that?” I protested.
“No, I mean it. Sit down.” To humor him, I complied. “Our house is burning down,” he told me.
The first words out of my mouth: “I don’t have time for this!”
Really? Was that all I could come up with? But that was literally foremost on my mind.
Fast forward 30+ years and I’m still struggling with time, but not in the same way I did when I was in my thirties and forties: overcommitted, running from meeting to meeting, trying to balance work and family responsibilities. Being in the transition that I described in my piece in August, I’m actively evaluating what I want to spend my time doing more of and less of.
Recently, it struck me that I could use the “I don’t have time for this” framework to establish a list of priorities. What did I want to do less of? What did I want to do more of? While it’s still a work in progress, a few surprising things emerged that I no longer have time for: “Unnecessary conflict or drama,” “persisting with activities that make me irritable and stressed,” “rushing,” and “saying yes to things that I’m less than 90% passionate about.”
On the “I do have time for this” side I put “being present for friends and family,” “meeting new people who I feel a sense of connection with,” “helping people grow and continuing to grow myself,” “doing art,” “having fun building our house,” among others.
Surprisingly, having the list has started shaping my behavior as I move toward or away from various ways to spend time. In other words, merely articulating what I wanted and didn’t want began to prioritize how I spend my time. I’m sure there will be the need for more in-depth planning for some goals but just the presence of the list reminds me of my priorities at this point in my life.
And, in an unexpected way, this inner clarity also has helped me feel more at peace with the uncertainty in my outer life.
I invite you to make your own list and see what emerges. Please share what you’re noticing in the comments below.